Have you ever said you were done with a man but kept on dealing with him? I have so many times with one in particular narcissistic insecure individual. And that’s as nice as I can put it! Anyway, I loved this man so much I was almost willing to do anything for him even deny my own self-worth. I was putting up with things that no one who cares about themselves would. I did it because I loved him and wanted him to feel good about himself and us all the while I’m feeling bad about myself. My Mama and Daddy didn’t raise me to be weak-willed behind any man but I stupidly feel for this idiot.
Now it’s not all his fault. I made a decision every day to deal with this man. The things he did I allowed for whatever reason and thus suffered multiple heartbreaks by him. Had I stopped it the first time, maybe things would have changed or I wouldn’t have gone through that turmoil with him. I have to own my part in allowing that toxicity in my life.
We have to be more careful when choosing someone to spend time with. That person should have things in common with you and his values should align with yours. That was one of the first mistakes I made with him. I don’t think we had much in common if anything. He wanted to be great but never did the things needed to get him there. He wanted others to work for him to get him there all the while not compensating them. He thought more highly of himself than he should have and often looked down on me for my faults. Our work ethics were totally different and his hustle certainly didn’t match mine.
There were lots of good times. Although a narcissist, he was very intelligent and we could talk on a level that I’ve never been able to with anyone else. He was well-versed in a lot and I think that was what drew me to him. Our first interactions were conversational. It was refreshing to meet someone who I could talk with on so many levels about a lot of different things. But that dark cockiness soon came out and instead of running like Forest Gump, I ignored the signs.
I should have been done with him. He would do things to me and then play the victim. If he ever admitted to anything it was rare and always came with an excuse like I caused him to do it. But after years of dealing with that foolishness, I was done! I went out of town on a business trip and he ignored me almost the whole trip. I would text him and he wouldn’t text back or if he did it wasn’t in the usual manner. He didn’t text to make sure I had made it home safely nor ask about my trip. I was totally confused because before I left we were good. I requested to talk with him and he ignored that text for almost a whole day. I reached out sharing my feelings about he ghosted me while I was gone. He apologized but explained that he was overwhelmed with obligations and realized how behind he was with work and personal things. What a crock!! It’s amazing how these so-called obligations were realized at that particular time. He had done something like this before and I like a dummy I ignored it. But not this time. I was done!!!
It was those kinds of incidents that made me think about what I was allowing and how I needed to take responsibility for my actions or lack thereof. Once I began to see him for the person he truly was, I decided that I no longer wanted that for my life. And I didn’t want him in my life. After that, I felt so much better. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And he was that weight!
I don’t care how long you’ve been with someone it’s ok to be done with them and the relationship if it no longer serves you or it’s not a good environment. You must care enough about yourself to not accept mistreatment of any kind. I can proudly say I’m strong. I’m free and I’ve moved on.