Love can be one of the most exhilarating and beautiful things ever.  But it can also be ugly and manipulative. Some people say your experience with love can depend on who you’re with. Others say love is just twisted and no matter who you’re with it’s just that way. I think I’m sort of on the fence. I mean I’ve experienced both the good and the bad sides of love. Do I think it depends on the person? I do, but I also think your experience can be shaped by what you make of it.

I dated a clown for a few years. I experienced the most love with him but also the most heartbreak. He could say and do the most wonderful things that made me feel like the most “beautifulest” girl in the world (to quote Craig Mack). But he could say and do the most hurtful things that made me question what kind of monster was he and if I was insane for being with him. It was crazy because our relationship could be so good but also very bad too. It was a toxic obsession with each other. We knew we weren’t good for each other yet we fought to stay connected. It’s like you know cigarettes are bad for you and may cause cancer but you still smoke them. I knew it would only be a matter of time before we would do or say something to piss me off. Or I would do the same to him. We were not meant to be together yet didn’t want to let go.

At some point, we finally realized we couldn’t continue this and ended it. It gave us both freedom. I don’t know why we hold on to people or things we know are not good for us. They make us jaded and causes us to have a horrible perspective moving forward.  A lot of our hurt is self-inflicted but we blame it on love. We don’t want to take responsibility for the part we played. I realized that my feelings toward love were distorted because of what I dealt with in this tumultuous relationship. I should have kicked him to the curb a long time ago but I stayed.

Love can be great but experienced with the wrong person can be detrimental. Love responsibly.