This is the millionth time that I’ve said I’m done with him. I meant it this time. But after a few days, I was missing him and contemplating calling or texting. I had changed my phone number and blocked him on all my social media to make sure that I wouldn’t fall for his tricks again. The infamous “Hey bae wyd” text as if nothing had happened would come through soon and I couldn’t take it. I was fed up and I just didn’t want to repeat the cycle anymore.
But here I was missing him. Like hard down sobbing and crying because I missed him. Then I felt stupid for missing him considering all the bullsh*t he had put me through and all of the foolish things I had allowed to go on. I couldn’t believe I was missing this jerk! But that’s how I felt and I was beating myself up over it.
It’s Ok to Miss Him
I rationalized that it’s ok to miss him. He was such a huge part of my life. I was in love with him and still had some residual feelings for him. We were together for over 4 years. We built a life together so unless all of that was fake there’s no way I wouldn’t feel anything for him. My feelings were valid and I shouldn’t feel bad that I was missing this fool.
Although I missed him like crazy, I realized I had to move on. For my well-being & emotional health, I knew I had to move on. I couldn’t allow my emotions and feelings to get the best of me. Having any type of relationship with him would not be good and would start the vicious cycle that we had been on for years. I no longer wanted that. I truly wanted to be happy and although I loved him, I wouldn’t be happy with him.
Moving on was probably the best decision for us both. I know I wasn’t always my best with him and I equally played a part in the demise of our relationship. We would have never been the best versions of ourselves had we stayed together.
There is nothing wrong with missing someone whom you may have had a toxic relationship with. You’re human and those feelings don’t go away quickly. You have to work through those feelings making sure you don’t fall back into that relationship. I journaled, prayed and just made a commitment to myself that I deserved more than what I had tolerated in the past. I deserved to be happy and that’s what I was going to do. Be happy!